On being Angry and Managed it
For the past few months, I have been dealing with this anger that creeps under my consciousness. It is almost like there’s another person who lives inside me and always angry. I am afraid to let loose this guy because I know what he could do when he’s taking over my body.
It is actually good to feel all of those feelings than not feeling it at all. Yet, the issue here is when we cannot control it, right? Upon my attempt to deal with this guy, I watched a movie inspired by a true event of Mr. Frank McFeely Rogers — A Beautiful Day in Neighborhood.
“It’s a beautiful day in this neighborhood. A beautiful day for a neighbor, would you be mine? Could you be mine?
It’s a neighborly day in this beautiful wood, a neighborly day for a beauty. Would you be mine? Could you be mine?
He sings that in the most platonic way as he enters the set and changed his blazer with his sweater. I swear by the time I heard this opening I feel like ‘what-is-this’. Maybe this happens because I have not seen the original show that aired in the late ’60s with different titles like the one that aired on Netflix.
Those who watch Mr. Rogers Neighborhood might feel certain emotions by hearing the opening.
The show’s format is having Mr. Roger talking directly to the viewer through the camera or more known as breaking the fourth wall. Since the show is for children, he believes it’s bad for them to watch a phony show, ergo he behaves naturally and even talks about the real stuff; divorce, war, and even death.
A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood shows a different story because it is only resolved in one man, Lloyd Vogel. Lloyd is a journalist who’s been hurting in the past and doesn't know how to deal with it. He became a violent, dark, negative person, and without him realizing it, he always wants to hurt anyone.
Have you ever felt the way Lloyd does? So angry you want to hurt someone? Or yourself? There’s always something you can do with the mad that you feel.
After watching the movie I found it impossible to have a personality like Mr. Rogers, patience, caring, understanding, simply put — a saint.
But he wasn’t. He struggles to deal with his emotion too.
The only thing that differs me from him is he knew, he knew what needs to be done. According to him, he would swim as fast as he could (he is a swimmer himself) or play the lowest keys on a piano all at the same time just to let go of the unpleasant emotions.
That makes me think, what should we do when we have been hurt and angry.
Over everything I’ve read to deal with the feelings, the answer is to accept. And yes, it works but what to do when the blood boiled and your heart beats so fast or when you wanted to hurt something, anything? Just like Lloyd did to himself.
Here’s what I find that might help us.
- Take a deep breath.
Count to three or any number, not just to calm ourselves this action is helping us to remember that we are in charge of our feelings, actions, and body. - The butterfly hug technique.
I learned this from Kdrama called It’s Okay to Not Be Okay. This technique is useful to reduce stress. While performing this technique we need to close our eyes and put our hands as if we were hugging ourselves. Breathe, give a little tap on our shoulder maybe whispering some positive words like “This too shall pass”, “This is okay”, “I am going to be okay”.
3. Let it out.
Of course not by hurting someone, let alone ourselves. Try to channel this anger onto something like art, a drawing, poem, music, or just a scratch on paper, wall, canvas, anything. Acknowledge that we are entitled to have feelings — any feeling. What we do about these feelings is then up to us.
Getting back to Mr. Rogers, throughout the movie we get to witness the ‘healing’ process of Lloyd, and that is beautiful to watch Lloyd finally accept his mother’s death.
Last but not least, try to forgive. Forgive ourselves, forgive those who hurt us. I know to release a person from the feeling of anger we have at them is hard but we have to.
Mr. Rogers said that there is no normal life that is free from pain but anything to be human is mentionable and anything mentionable is manageable.
So feel it, expresses it, and then let it go because acceptance is a process just like healing.
