Chapter 2: Re-inventing myself

You never know how strong you are until being strong is your only choice — Bob Marley

The big fish in a small pond, or small fish in a big pond.

Born and raised in the tight-knit community of Surabaya, I’d always been comfortable, surrounded by familiar faces, and accustomed to the gentle rhythms of life. The tranquil pond, our town, had always provided a safe haven, cocooning me in the warm embrace of predictability and comfort.

But as the years passed, the allure of the wider world began to tug at my heart. I couldn’t help but wonder what lay beyond the familiar streets and comforting faces of my hometown. I dreamt of the vast ocean that was the world, teeming with endless opportunities and experiences. The idea of being a small fish in a big pond, rather than a big fish in a small pond, filled my thoughts. It was time to leave the comforting shores of Surabaya and venture out into the turbulent seas of the unknown.

With a heavy heart and a backpack full of dreams, I bade farewell to my hometown, setting off on a journey to the city known by many names, but, in hushed whispers, simply referred to as the “City of Promise but Not Hope.”

It was a place that beckoned with the tantalizing allure of success, but beneath its glittering facade, it harbored a reputation for crushing dreams as swiftly as it nurtured them.

Upon my arrival, the city was a chaotic cacophony of life. Skyscrapers reached for the heavens while traffic flowed like a ceaseless river. People from all walks of life hurried through the crowded streets, each one striving for their own piece of the elusive promise that the city held. I quickly realized that I was, indeed, a small fish in this immense, unforgiving pond.

Decoding

The comforting familiarity of the place I once called home now feels like a distant memory, and in its absence, I find myself navigating the intricate tapestry of a new culture.

As I traverse these unfamiliar streets, engage with strangers who quickly become acquaintances, and adapt to the customs and traditions of this new place, it becomes increasingly evident that I am in the process of shedding my old identity and constructing a new one.

The daily challenges of adjusting to this different culture can be, at times, overwhelmingly tiring. The language is foreign, the social norms are unique, and the values of this new community contrast with those I grew up with. Simple tasks that were once second nature now require careful thought and consideration.

There are moments of frustration and fatigue as I grapple with the unfamiliar. Yet, there is a sense of growth in this transformation, a promise of becoming a more enriched and adaptable individual.

Encoding

In these moments of cultural dissonance and identity transition, I am reminded that the process of assimilation is not about losing one’s true self, but rather an opportunity to expand and evolve. It is about weaving the threads of one’s heritage into the fabric of a broader, more diverse tapestry. It is a journey of self-discovery that may be tiring, but it is also profoundly rewarding, offering a chance to embrace a deeper understanding of the world and one’s place within it.

So, as I continue to pick up the culture in this new place, I acknowledge the exhaustion that comes with it. Yet, I also embrace the beauty of transformation, recognizing that in shedding my old identity, I am making room for the creation of a richer, more nuanced self.