Chapter 1. The Why
*disclaimer: This whole series might sound like a whining child
At age 26, I embarked on a momentous journey — a departure from the familiarity of my home, a dream nurtured since my days in Junior High.
The desire to venture beyond had been a persistent theme in my life, marked by numerous attempts to spread my wings — pursuing high school outside the city, obtaining my bachelor’s degree, engaging in student exchanges, participating in competitions and seminars, and pursuing a master’s degree. Despite these endeavors, the opportunity to truly soar had eluded me. Although I had sampled the experience of living away from home, it had never exceeded a month.
Was it disheartening? Undoubtedly. Frustrating? Yes. Desperation? Perhaps.
Yet, deep within, I hold to the belief that God had endowed me with wings, and one day, I would use them.
And now, here I stand, 700 kilometers away from the sanctuary of my home. While the distance may not seem insurmountable, each mile traversed tugs at the strings of my emotions. Every encounter with a memento linked to home elicits tears, underscoring the profound attachment to the people within (and beyond) those concrete walls and rooftops. Home, for me, transcends the physical confines; it encapsulates the essence of the relationships that define and enrich my life.
The Ajar Door.
A profound belief has taken root within me, asserting that I can only achieve complete growth, independence, self-awareness, and the breaking of personal limitations by venturing beyond the confines of my parents’ home.
This conviction is not solely fueled by a desire for autonomy but also stems from a weariness of being tethered to the same city for 26 years, witnessing friends embrace diverse experiences in different corners of the world. Amidst this yearning for change, a noteworthy figure emerged — a professor of mine, exuding a rare blend of kindness, intellect, and approachability. Despite his professional stature, he bridged the gap between educator and student by fostering an environment where interactions were not confined by formalities.
The turning point arrived when he presented me with an opportunity and wholeheartedly endorsed my capabilities to the relevant stakeholders. This gesture opened a door that I had long contemplated and gazed upon. For years, I had envisioned the prospects lying beyond this slightly ajar door.
With unwavering determination and hope pulsating through my heart, I embraced the unknown, stepping through the doorway that had beckoned me for so long. Headfirst, Fearless.
Chess Play.
In my religious practice, the belief that “Restunya Allah itu restunya orang tua,” or “God’s blessing is parents’ blessing,” holds great significance. As I prepared to embark on a new chapter in Jakarta, I recognized the paramount importance of securing my parents’ blessings for the journey ahead. Convincing my loving and protective parents to endorse my pursuit dreams required strategic thinking, considering their understandable reluctance to let go and concerns for my well-being.
Mindful of their protective nature, I undertook a methodical approach. I invested time in researching and planning meticulously, ensuring that my aspirations were not mere fantasies but grounded in practicality and a profound passion for my chosen path. The initial hurdle lay in addressing their apprehensions and demonstrating that I was prepared for the challenges awaiting me.
Having encountered obstacles in the past due to the absence of their blessings, I opted for a strategic approach. Engaging in thoughtful conversations with my mother, I shared real-life examples of success to allay her concerns, illustrating that my dreams were attainable and not mere whims. Progressing strategically, I sought the support of my brother, a person with considerable influence in my parents’ eyes, paving the way for the ultimate conversation with my father.
Employing a metaphorical chess-play, I strategically placed my pawns before presenting a comprehensive case to my father. Utilizing various pieces, including personal efforts to alleviate his stress and prove my commitment, I constructed a persuasive presentation outlining the reasons why this opportunity was beneficial for my future. The meticulous planning culminated in a seemingly casual discussion at a restaurant, creating an atmosphere of ease while articulating my desires.
Through this strategic approach, I successfully garnered their trust and confidence. They witnessed my dedication, clear planning, and the thoughtful consideration underlying my decision. Over time, their initial reluctance transformed into an understanding, and the guarded blessings were graciously bestowed upon me.
As I signed the contract, doubts lingered, but the assurance of my parents’ blessings, coupled with faith in a higher power, instilled a belief that nothing was impossible. The journey ahead was no longer solitary; it became a shared pursuit of my dreams, enveloped in the supportive embrace of my parents’ love.
Leap of Faith
I love spiderman especially the spider verse. There’s this quote from that movie, a convo between Peter and Miles. It goes like this:
I get everything I need. What left is the question that everday getting bigger and bigger. I am afraid, I am not sure, I want to back out, some part of me was hoping that someone would say no and begged me to stay.
“When will I know I’m ready?”
Ready for this big adventure of mine, the chapter where I have to be alone, decide everything on my own, setting terms on my own. God, it’s frightening.
But as Peter said, we won’t know, it’s a leap of faith.
Leap of faith is a concept where our choice cannot be justified rationally. It’s believing in something impossible, irrational, and paradox. Gambling? Maybe. Risk Taking? Of course.
But I would not say I am gambling. I have all the amunitions, what else I’m afraid of? As if I do not believe in God’s helps. I have my parents blessings, I have the knowledge, I have the capability to perform on my work, I have all the things that I have learned these past 26 years.
Therefore, on 5th December 2022 I flew 700km away, with my suitcase and begins my chapter, Leaving the Nest.
